


Quiet Birds in Circled Flight

by Cherry101



Series: Death has no Barriers [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Heavy Angst, M/M, POV Otabek Altin, So much sadder than the companion, Suicide, sorry - Freeform, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 11:46:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11379546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherry101/pseuds/Cherry101
Summary: It’s the Rostelecom Cup.Otabek isn’t competing. In fact, his coach had protested him flying out to Russia only a week before his next competition at NHK.He isn’t competing, but Yuri is. Yuri, his boyfriend of two months, who had been struggling with his body for a full year now. He’s growing - he’s nearly as tall as Otabek now, who had spurted up a couple more centimeters, to his own dismay~Sequel to Beyond The Sphere of Grief, but can be read alone~





	Quiet Birds in Circled Flight

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is - the sequel/companion to 'Beyond The Sphere of Grief' that nobody wanted but I gave anyways. Once again based on a choral song - look it up, it's super haunting and beautiful. 
> 
> As always, enjoy, and tell me what you think!

_ Do not stand at my grave and weep, _

_ I am not there, I do not sleep. _

_ I am the thousand winds that blow. _

_ I am the diamond glints on snow. _

_ I am the harvest’s golden grain. _

_ I am the gentle Autumn rain. _

 

_ When you awaken in morning’s hush; _

_ I am the swift uplifting rush _

_ Of quiet birds in circled flight. _

_ I am the soft stars that shine at night.  _

 

_ ~Do Not Stand at My Grave And Weep _

_ Written by Mary Elizabeth Frye _

_ Arranged by Laura Farnell _

 

It’s the Rostelecom Cup.

 

Otabek isn’t competing. In fact, his coach had protested him flying out to Russia only a week before his next competition at NHK. 

 

He isn’t competing, but Yuri is. Yuri, his boyfriend of two months, who had been struggling with his body for a full year now. He’s growing - he’s nearly as tall as Otabek now, who had spurted up a couple more centimeters, to his own dismay.

 

Being the loving, supportive boyfriend that he is, he figures that Yuri will feel better if he is there to cheer him on from the sidelines.

 

Yuri takes the center of the ice. His left hand is reaching upwards, his right hand pressing tightly against his leg. His left knee juts out, foot curved at an angle. The music starts. 

 

It’s not a very difficult program, made that way because of Yuri’s problems with his growing body and shifting center of balance, yet Yuri clearly fights for every jump with gritted teeth. It’s painfully obvious, and Otabek watches as Yuri goes for a quad Salchow, but his ankles are shaking, he’s not going to land, he’s too close to the guardrail-

 

Yuri crashes into the barrier headfirst. There's a loud crack that echoes through the arena, and time slows. Yuri slides down against the barrier, hitting the ice as his body crumples.

 

He doesn't get back up.

 

Otabek finds himself shooting forward, dashing towards the middle of the rink. Yuri’s name is flying from his lips, but he doesn’t notice, doesn’t hear anything but the sound of his own frantically beating heart. 

 

Viktor and Katsuki beat him to the ice - Katsuki is already calling an ambulance, and Viktor is desperately attempting to reach the fallen blonde. He’s seen the blood staining Yuri’s hair red, too. 

 

Otabek feels nothing but desperation as his slides across the ice in his shoes, barely managing to stop besides Yuri’s motionless body, Viktor perched on the other side.

 

“Yura, Yura, wake up. Open your eyes,” He begs his boyfriend, running his fingers through Yuri’s hair, pressing at his wrist to find a pulse.

 

Yuri breathes for two more minutes - it feels like hours.

 

Then, he stops. For once in his existence, he is completely motionless.

 

The ambulance is too late - they always are, in such heavy situations. 

 

Otabek has never felt so lost in his entire life - not until he’s watching the paramedics place Yuri’s body on a stretcher, talking amongst each other with plans to take him to the morgue. His grandfather is to handle the funeral preparations.

 

Funeral.

 

That night, in his hotel room, Otabek screams into his pillow until his voice is raw. He screams because there's nothing else he can do. Nothing. It's still not enough. 

 

Two days pass in a blur. Otabek doesn’t really remember them - the grief holds his heart in its tight clutches and he can’t think.

 

Before he realizes it, he’s at the funeral. 

 

He doesn’t really pay attention - he doesn’t need to, he knows Yuri will be remembered, that he was an amazing person with a big heart underneath the layers of anger and sarcastic remarks.

 

As quickly as the service starts, it ends, and Otabek’s being nudged.

 

“You can go say goodbye now,” Viktor murmurs, his voice thick with grief. 

 

Otabek can only nod, and he forces himself to stand up, to walk the short distance down the aisle where Yuri’s casket lies. 

 

There's a million things he could say, he wants to say, but he can't find the words. 

 

Eventually, he settles with a soft, “I love you, Yura.”

 

Then, he walks away, because if he stays for even another second he would burst into uncontrollable tears.

 

Otabek books the quickest flight back to Almaty.

 

He tries to forget.

 

It takes a month - an entire month! - before he's able to actually compose himself enough to step foot outside.

 

Ever so often, he feels Yuri with him - it comes in the form of memories of a smile, coupled with random unexplained chills and the ghost of a breath against his neck. 

 

It encourages him to step outside his apartment, and take the familiar trail down to the rink.

 

Only… it doesn't feel  _ right.  _ Yuri passed away inside a rink, how can Otabek skate? 

 

He decides not to.

 

Within a week, he’s offered a full-time dj gig, and he officially retires from skating.

 

For several months, he works his butt off creating mixes he wishes Yuri could listen to(Yuri always had the best opinions), earning money and getting to DJ on bigger stages.

 

After two years have flown by, he’s offered a tour for his music. He agrees, and next thing he knows, he's moving to America.

 

The tour is directed by a Russian-American girl named Kristina Ivanova. She's quiet and soft-spoken, though often sarcastic. She almost looks like Viktor, with long, silvery blonde hair and clear blue eyes.

 

Sometimes, she reminds him of Yuri. Other times, they're completely different.

 

Otabek doesn't know what to think - not even as he asks her on a date, and she eagerly accepts, offering a small smile.

 

In the back of his mind, he knows that he's only trying to move on from Yuri, that he doesn't actually have romantic feelings towards Kristina, but he pursues her anyways.

 

Somehow, he's able to fool himself into thinking that yes, he’s genuinely in love with Kristina, that he's completely moved on from Yuri.

 

As if.

 

The first date leads to another, and another, and somehow, Kristina is able to help him forget. He laughs with Kristina, smiles with her. His world, once dull and grey, slowly brightens.

 

He can never forget for long, though.

 

Two whole years of date nights, and Otabek buys a ring.

 

It's beautiful - a medium sized diamond with two smaller cuts of turquoise - and he's able to pretend that this ring is solely for Kristina.

 

Nevertheless, his chest feels heavy, and he speaks to Yuri for the first time in years.

 

“I'm sorry, Yura. I promise I still love you, but I need to move on… I hope I have your blessing.”

 

Saying what he refuses to think about calms him. For a second, it feels as though Yuri is there.

 

_ You have my blessing.  _ Otabek almost hears in the whisper of the wind. 

 

He feels better, and he marches off to the restaurant.

 

Kristina cries when he offers the ring to her, her hands flying to her mouth as she nods once, twice. 

 

He slips the ring on her finger. 

 

The wedding takes place a year later, and only because the decorations took forever to plan. 

 

As a homage to Kazakhstan, and Kristina's own idea, she's wearing a lovely pale blue dress with yellow accents. It falls around her legs, and matches her eyes.

 

Otabek himself wears a darker blue suit, with gold touches. Yuri would've loved it.

 

Yuri.

 

Before the ceremony starts, Viktor and Yuuri pull him to the side. Yuuri gives him a tight hug with a whispered congratulations, and Viktor only smiles at him. 

 

All these years later, and Otabek sees the pain he's been in reflected in Viktor's eyes.

 

He waits at the end of the aisle for Kristina, and they exchange vows, but it's not enough.

 

He dances with Kristina, and with his mom, and her mom, and all it does is remind him of what he could've had with Yuri. 

 

Poor, poor Yuri, who had died an untimely death, doing the thing he so loved.

 

The thoughts swirling around his head become too much. 

 

He grabs a bottle of headache medicine, claiming that the lights are too bright and that he just needs a few minutes, and he escapes to the bathroom.

 

It's only when he makes it into the solidarity of the bathroom that he allows himself to break down.

 

Words pour from his lips - he doesn't remember what he says.

 

He opens the pill bottle, and swallows as many of them as he can, all the while cupping water from the sink to help. 

 

Death doesn't come quickly, but when it does, it's with a numbness, a relief.

 

Otabek closes his eyes.

  
  


_ Do not stand at my grave and weep, _

_ I am not there, I do not sleep. _

_ Do not stand at my grave and cry, _

_ I am not there, I did not die. _

  
  
  



End file.
